ONDAY, JANUARY 02, 2006
Where have I been since May 5?
Somewhere in my dad's house in Bridgeport, PA, lie several boxes of old poetry stapled together with construction paper. Together they form as close to a daily diary as a high-school age kid had the muster to put together. They talked of friends I'd known and argued with and loved in school, of my own personal shyness as I tried to form relationships with the opposite sex, even my first real attempts to have a personal, adult conversation with God. I tried to keep diaries ever since but life kept moving faster than my ability or clockspeed to write it.
Which brings me to a New Year and my first real writing here since May (and even that was a draft blog I finally committed to the site.) I spent the last nine months loving and being loved by a beautiful person named Michelle. I first knew her as a co-volunteer in children's liturgy (her expertise was in "crowd control.") and came to know her as a lover starting on Palm Sunday 2005. Love came to me while I shook my head confused over the end of one relationship, and in frustration over another which failed to start. She is a beautiful, radiant, energetic person who brings joy to my life each day and made the sadder things I write about here not just bearable, but the logical extension of the road I had to take.
Other parts of my year didn't go quite right. I had two good years at my work and tried to leverage that success to purchase a home, just at the time every would-be Yuppie boomer discovered they wanted to live in Southwest Florida and made affordable housing, in one columnist's words, "go the way of the nickel beer.") Looking back, it may have been the best thing and I still believe home ownership can be in my future.
I went from being an honored, awarded representative of my company, with a solid reputation, into one who will learn tomorrow whether he'll still be working there. Some of this was my doing;I drowned in a list of accounts which more than doubled while spending six weeks maintaining an existing base while my outside rep had a child. This summer was the first and only time I hated coming to work each day, something I thought impossible. I chose the path I did (reassignment) so I could stay and not let someone who told me "Sales is not in your DNA" vindicate that incorrect view. But when I hear another former sales partner tell my replacement, "Tony had a good heart," it is hard not to look at it as code for, "He tried, but...."
The highlight of the year for me was not the trip to South Africa described in a previous post, even though it was a rich, wonderful trip for me. It was my return to PA with Michelle for Thanksgiving with my father and sister, and my 25th High School reunion. Seeing old friends again, introducing someone I love deeply to much of my past life and having her embrace it, was a great beginning to the most fulfilling Christmas season I have ever had.
I'm a little paunchier than I was a year ago, (although I'm changing health clubs to elininate that extra holiday poundage.) I'm a little grayer, a little wiser for butterflies I chased and didn't catch, fuller for comeraderie I enjoyed from pro-life prayer groups in Sarasota to the Knights of Columbus to Relay for Life. I'm trying to do what CS Lewis suggested; wear the mask and clothes of a good person until my face and myself conform to them and I become it. I'm a work in progress, with much even now to thank God for, and look forward to Michelle and I layering our love into a new year.
Which brings me to a New Year and my first real writing here since May (and even that was a draft blog I finally committed to the site.) I spent the last nine months loving and being loved by a beautiful person named Michelle. I first knew her as a co-volunteer in children's liturgy (her expertise was in "crowd control.") and came to know her as a lover starting on Palm Sunday 2005. Love came to me while I shook my head confused over the end of one relationship, and in frustration over another which failed to start. She is a beautiful, radiant, energetic person who brings joy to my life each day and made the sadder things I write about here not just bearable, but the logical extension of the road I had to take.
Other parts of my year didn't go quite right. I had two good years at my work and tried to leverage that success to purchase a home, just at the time every would-be Yuppie boomer discovered they wanted to live in Southwest Florida and made affordable housing, in one columnist's words, "go the way of the nickel beer.") Looking back, it may have been the best thing and I still believe home ownership can be in my future.
I went from being an honored, awarded representative of my company, with a solid reputation, into one who will learn tomorrow whether he'll still be working there. Some of this was my doing;I drowned in a list of accounts which more than doubled while spending six weeks maintaining an existing base while my outside rep had a child. This summer was the first and only time I hated coming to work each day, something I thought impossible. I chose the path I did (reassignment) so I could stay and not let someone who told me "Sales is not in your DNA" vindicate that incorrect view. But when I hear another former sales partner tell my replacement, "Tony had a good heart," it is hard not to look at it as code for, "He tried, but...."
The highlight of the year for me was not the trip to South Africa described in a previous post, even though it was a rich, wonderful trip for me. It was my return to PA with Michelle for Thanksgiving with my father and sister, and my 25th High School reunion. Seeing old friends again, introducing someone I love deeply to much of my past life and having her embrace it, was a great beginning to the most fulfilling Christmas season I have ever had.
I'm a little paunchier than I was a year ago, (although I'm changing health clubs to elininate that extra holiday poundage.) I'm a little grayer, a little wiser for butterflies I chased and didn't catch, fuller for comeraderie I enjoyed from pro-life prayer groups in Sarasota to the Knights of Columbus to Relay for Life. I'm trying to do what CS Lewis suggested; wear the mask and clothes of a good person until my face and myself conform to them and I become it. I'm a work in progress, with much even now to thank God for, and look forward to Michelle and I layering our love into a new year.
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